Grief and the Holidays: 5 Ways to Feel More Connected to Your Loved One This Season

It’s no secret that the holidays can be an especially difficult time of year for those of us grieving the loss of a loved one or pet, especially if we were already feeling isolated or lacking the fulfilling partnerships or connections others seem to have.  Given the constant barrage of holiday “cheer”, it’s easy to fall down the rabbit hole of thinking that everyone is happy, fulfilled, and not alone.  And feeling alone or isolated can really amplify feelings of grief and loss when someone you love has passed on. 

So, how can you feel more connected to your loved one at this time of year?  Here are 5 things you can try:

1. Continue your shared traditions.  Did your mom bake a special kind of cookies?  Did you and your spouse spend Christmas Day on the beach?  Did you always take your dog for a walk to a special place?  Did you and your sibling have a favorite restaurant?  Recognize that these may feel painful, especially if the loss is recent.  Allow your emotions to come up just as they are.  Have a supportive friend, family member, or counselor on “standby” if you need to talk or receive support. 

2. Tell stories about your loved one.  The obvious choice would be to talk about them with supportive friends or family members, but what if it feels like the people around you can’t or don’t want to hear about them anymore?  In that case, can you find a grief counselor who will listen unconditionally?  Can you mention your loved one to an acquaintance or even a kind stranger?  You never know when you’ll meet someone who will unexpectedly understand your loss.

3. Put up something that reminds you of them like a favorite photo or holiday decoration.  It can sometimes be painful to see these reminders so use your discretion here.  If you feel worse when looking at them, maybe try this one next year.  If you feel a little surge of warmth or are reminded of a positive memory when you see them, this tip may be helpful.   

4. Talk to them either out loud or in your mind.  Yes, this can feel a little strange or uncomfortable at first.  From my experience as a person grieving and as a medium, your loved ones and pets can and do hear you!  And while they can’t necessarily reply in the same ways they did in life…

5. Be open to their replies!  Loved ones on the other side try to communicate with us in many ways that often go unnoticed.  Common ways are through birds or other animal visitors, unexplained smells that you associate with them, seeing random things that remind you of them like feathers or heart shaped rocks, moving objects around, dreams, tactile experiences like feeling a hug, technology changes like things turning on and off by themselves or flickering, an inner sense of just knowing something, or even through the spoken words of other people.  Our loved ones on the other side respect boundaries and they don’t necessarily want to scare you (although if you had a mischievous loved one, they might tease you a little!) so, in my experience, they often show up very subtly at first.  The more you are open to receiving this type of communication, the more you will receive!  And no, you’re not crazy (I get asked that a lot).  Trust that whatever communication you’re getting that feels meaningful to you is real.

6. Bonus tip:  Give yourself a break.  In case you need to hear this, it’s okay to not participate in anything holiday-related if you don’t want to.  It’s okay to skip putting up a tree, to opt out of gift exchanges, and to stay home on New Years Eve.  You don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel aligned for you this year or any year going forward.  It’s also okay to come up with entirely new traditions for yourself.  

The bottom line is to trust that you know exactly what you need in the moment and that it’s perfectly fine to do just that!  What you need or want might even change from moment to moment and that’s okay.  Remember, you are not alone even if it feels that way now.  Your loved ones on the other side are very real and still love you, perhaps even more than they were able to show you while they were alive.

Written by Kristin Nathan an Evidential Spiritual Medium and trained therapist, offering Psychic Readings in Denver, Colorado.